Dear Tinder , ba, my question has to do with online dating this last two years.
Specifically, what is the most appropriate way to keep my Tinder online dating with an appetite, when you now have in your history a sufficient number of stories that did not spread anywhere?
To give a little context. I’m 32 and free. I came out of a bad (abusive) relationship two years ago, about two years ago, and before that I had a relationship of a few months max and several trivial situations.
So after my bad relationship I picked up my damaged self-esteem and learned a lot about myself. So I timidly re-entered the tinder app, and this time I live away from abusive situations (I am very proud !!). What I want is a stable and beautiful relationship, but that has not happened so far.
Either I do not like them, or I do not like them, I also had a good noodle that sent me unread. Anyway, at every new match I go / went with the desire to learn things about the other person, to open up to him (as long as it suits the stage of our acquaintance) so that he also knows me, and generally in a good and open mood .
But what worries me is that, after so many acquaintances left in 1-5 Dates, I see little by little this good mood decreasing.
That is, now I see people in the app and I say you are not bored, since again we will not get an edge, where to go to the chat and then for a drink and chat again, and not to arrange again, and finally to find out why there was no spark. Now I go out with someone I met on a date and I start to like it, and I see that I am very focused on how much I open up to him, I have made a few aggressive comments to him, because I think that statistically the chances are on the side of failure and I am somewhat awkward going to protect myself before anything bad happens.
I know, a very pessimistic way of thinking that can lead to a self-fulfilling (is there a word?) Prophecy. I do not know how a beautiful relationship can happen if you do not have the appetite to be open to putting someone in your life.
As if the crooked faces are not even attractive, what can the other person like about me if I go in style to see what we see again here where we came from. I see that I was becoming more and more closed and cynical. So, back to the question, how do you keep going with an appetite for every new date having fresh in your memory all your previous failures? What I have thought for myself is that disappointments are in the game and I have to accept it and not give up.
But I have a hard time keeping it. So omniscient Lena and commentators, what do you have to suggest? I’m very curious. I love you and I read you every day 🙂
- Tinder first date problems
You have been convinced from somewhere that in order to have a relationship you must be in a good mood, open and pleasant with all the candidates.
That’s the mistake. Of course you consume infinite energy that way, and of course there comes one disappointment after another. It is extremely unlikely that you will match someone. Not you especially, all of us. It is very difficult, rare, as they say. Not because “nowadays” both. Because it is generally difficult to match a person, whether we are talking about a friend or a partner. Here with our relatives we can not find them. Especially with a stranger.
Not all acquaintances are “opportunities”, nor do all those who are interested in you need a “bass and” opportunity. Nor is it a condition that you are in the best mood and eager to meet the other with the first drink.
Neither is the other way around, though. We need a balance, which I would describe as “moderate pessimism”. You need a clear look, do not hesitate to reject. If something does not fit you well, do not ignore it (as we usually do), on the contrary, go deeper as soon as possible to get rid of it. Do not go out on a date to go out. Go out in general, that’s it. With your friends. But no appointment saves and de, “today I will go to be interested in the unknown”. Go on a date with someone because you really want to see him alone.
- You protect yourself when you hear his reservations, when you do not rationalize situations, when you do not go out without wanting to go out. It is not possible to meet people from right to left and then try not to be influenced. Go out (generally) to have a good time, and IF someone you find VERY interesting, then only you see him again.